We’re scraping everything you and we know about local catered delivery. Drinks-for-meals like Slim Fast, Soylent, and protein shakes are the name of the game now! Why even worry about workplace catering to your office when you can go, go, go with a bottle of the good stuff?
We’re not kidding! After we weighed the pros and cons of solid food and meal replacement beverages™ (here on known as MRB™) like Soylent, it was undeniable. If Romeo is our stomach, Soylent is our Juliet! A yearning unlike any other, but the world seemingly tearing us apart! The perfection of these most(ly) complete foods are beyond comparison! We will never eat solid food ever again! Exclamation points!
We had to share our MRB™ realizations with you, loyal Chewse blog reader. We hope you’ll help us evangelize the good word that corporate lunch services will now feature MRBs™ of all kinds. Looking for an office happy hour? Mix-your-own Soylent bar will come to the rescue. Or need a corporate breakfast catering spread? We’ve got peanut butter protein shakes for everyone! MRBs™ are a truly universal food with benefits beyond belief.
An Ode to Soylent
Before we get to the goods, to commemorate our newfound crusade for MRBs™, a sonnet (a Soyent, if you will):
Thou art thyself, though not a dismal drink
What’s a meal? It is not fork or knife
Nor spoon nor straw nor any other utensil
Belonging to a meal. O be some other name.
What’s in a name? That which we call a dumpling
By any other name would smell as tasty;
So Soylent would, were it not Soaylent call’d,
Retain that dear perfection which it owes
Without that title. Soylent, doff thy name,
And for that name, which is no part of thee,
Take all my hunger.
Thank you Shakespeare, for allowing us to put into words what our hearts and stomachs know to be true. Now that we’ve gotten that off our chest, here’s why we’re into it.
1) You don’t have to worry about your team’s food things for the catered delivery order
Office admins, rejoice! Long gone are the days where you need to collect every team member’s dietary restrictions and food preferences on a weekly basis. With all these fad diets and “scientific studies” on gut health, it’s hard to keep up! You shouldn’t need to worry about whether Janet is vegan or if Chad hates pickles. Is Karen Keto this week? Or was that Kyle? Sure it’s your job to know and make everyone happy. But when it comes to food things, preferences, and restrictions, who can keep track?
You basically have three jobs as it is – office manager is your title in name only (we know very well, we go to our very own office manager for everything.) You’re the IT department, human resources, admin, snack-stocker, de facto technician, and the list goes on. Your time can be put to better use to making teams’ communication styles more efficient or planning community building activities!
Enter: MRBs™. Say goodbye to keeping up with your team’s food things and hello to drinkable, slurpable nutrient-rich smoothies everyone can eat (err…drink) at the table.
2) There’s no need to stock your kitchen with utensils for your catering delivery
An office kitchen at bare minimum stocks forks, knives, spoons, coffee makers, napkins, bowls, plates, microwave, refrigerator, cups and mugs…did we get it all? Maybe a real oven or toaster (or toaster oven) if you’re fancy. All we hear, though, is cash money. This is a place of BUSINESS, when did it all of a sudden become the standard to have a dorm room-style kitchen at work? Much less a chef’s kitchen, corporate lunch services, or workplace catered delivery!
With MRBs™, there’s really no need for a kitchen at all! Well, maybe a fridge to store any leftovers to drink later. No fork, no problem! You can even choose bottled MRBs™ rather than powder versions to really eliminate any kind of cup/spoon utilization and preparation. Who needs plain water anyway?! But, okay, fine, we hear you – the coffee maker doesn’t have to go anywhere. You’ll just have to save your used MRB™ bottles.
3) No, it’s not made of humans
Yeah, you read that right. A 1973 dystopian thriller called Soylent Green, explores Earth in 2020 that’s overpopulated, polluted, and impoverished. The only sustenance available to the masses is a soy and lentil wafer, until the sole company who produced them released a limited supply of soylent green. This new wafer was said to contain rare plankton for extra protein – or so they said. By the end of the movie, it’s revealed that soylent green actually contained human remains, as it was the only protein source still left on earth. The horror! Sorry for the spoilers…
This is all to say that, no, real Soylent – today’s Soylent – is made out of just a few nutrients, mostly in powder form. It sounds suspicious but, we’ve done our research.
As a meal replacement or nutrient kickstarter, Soylent and other MRBs™ are packed with proteins, slow-burning sugar, monosaturated fats, and very little flavor! Who really needs that flavor stuff in your catered delivery when you’ve got a protein/carb/fiber smoothie that’s both chalky AND creamy? Sure beats catered delivery from MezzeMe in Austin or Lotus Chinese in Silicon Valley. We’re salivating at the colorless concoction just thinking about it.
4) It tastes….good!
MRBs™ are miracle beverages! All those vitamins and minerals! Yum, yum! If you’ve read any of our blogs so far, you’d think that we really like food since we talk about it in such animated, mouth-watering terms. Ha, ha! You’re so funny, dear reader.
In actuality, when it comes to flavors, we’d take simple and mild any day of the week. Before this whole MRB™ business we were all about white rice, brown rice, toast (dry, please!), and cooked noodles in our catering delivery! Wowee! Luckily now we have the best of both worlds.
5) Efficiency to the max
In today’s day and age, the name of the game is efficiency! It’s about moving quickly with a lean team! Eating at your desk and working through lunch! Synergy! Gettin’ s*** done!
Who says eating at your desk is bad for you? Join the two-thirds of Americans who’ve found the trick to instant success: the desk lunch! How could productivity possibly be affected when you’re literally producing work? Sure you might get metaphorically swept away by that 3 PM sleepy slump, but that’s what a little extra MRB™ or coffee is for. You know what they say about the haters.
6) In that same vein, routines are apparently good for “productivity” and “success”
Figuring out your daily routine is a surefire sign of adulthood. And apparently it’s really good for you, too! Incorporating healthy habits into your everyday routine can lead to reduced stress and better sleep and health.
MRBs™ are an easy way to add routine to your daily workplace lunch! It’s a no brainer when you’re trying to meet a deadline or are under pressure to meet your quarterly goals. Trying to think about anything other than getting to inbox zero or shipping a new tool is practically impossible. Thank goodness for the ease and routine-potential of MRBs™.
7) Food is too interesting and unwieldy!
You never know what kind of exciting cuisine or tasty morsels you’ll get in your catering delivery! It’s too dang risky! Yeah sure you can integrate the Chewse meal calendar into your Google calendar and/or Slack, but that’s too much to handle (see #5).
Most people really like exploring local restaurants or trying new foods. What’s that about? Who wants to try all the savory Italian dishes from Ugo Cafe or try to find one of the best Indian spots on the Westside of LA?
But no sir and no ma’am, not us! We prefer the comfort and certainty of MRBs™. You know exactly what you’re getting into every time, no palette surprises. No, we can’t handle the heat so we will step out of the kitchen, thankyouverymuch.
8) Solid food catering delivery is for the social!
Speaking of all this solid food business…what’s the deal with that stuff anyway? They say cooking and eating a shared meal is the most viscerally human, most communal things we can do. From the time we’re kids to the time we’re adults, learning family recipes, sharing meals during the holidays, or even simply gathering around the dinner table, is instinctive. Through the centuries, all over the world, food plays a central role in people’s ways of life.
But we’re in a time where scientists have discovered ways to genetically modify our bodies to cure diseases. Artificial intelligence is making it easier and faster to search the web, order groceries, drive cars, and more. Why shouldn’t we optimize or hack our diet? Replace catered delivery taco bars and Thanksgiving dinner with MRBs™ and you’ve got all the human connection without all the clean up! Or not! Who really needs human connection? Connecting with people is overrated, anyway!
9) Less office food waste!
Speaking of cleaning up food and dishes! In that spell of good intention when you pack a lunch of apples, peanut butter, and rice cakes, and by the time lunch rolls around you just can’t bring yourself to eat it. Unfortunately, it ends up in the trash. It’s happened to the best of us.
When you replace your office breakfast or lunch with MRB™, you never have to worry about cleaning up dishes or wasting any food! Most of the packaging is recyclable, so like, it’s pretty good for waste management, too.
(But either way, you never have to worry about office food waste with Chewse catered delivery, regardless. We’ve partnered with Copia for our Chewse to Give program to donate any surplus food you might have to local non-profits in your area!)
10) There’s no time to appreciate the little things!
What’s your favorite solid food? Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine it in front of you. Is it dumplings from Shanghai Dumpling King? Or is it cheesy, chewy kachapuri from Bevri? Maybe it’s fresh-caught cubes of fish atop a heaping pile of fluffy rice from TikiFish. Now imagine taking a huge, stinkin’ bite. Hungry yet?
The answer is NO. There’s too much to do to give in to such pastimes! You wasted 2 whole minutes of your time reading about a very obviously unpleasurable activity (sorry)! Slowing down to take it all in is for the weak. You know dang well that life is about the hustle, not the little moments that we’ll “cherish” and “remember” forever. Put your money where your mouth is and get on the MRB™ train!
11) It’s not just a life hack, it’s a metaphor
Like we said in point #8, we are living in the future. MRBs™ are just one of the many examples to demonstrate as much. We’re living in a day and age when life hacks, job hacks, optimizing, and automation are perpetually sought after.
Maybe the human body is no different. All we really need are those vital nutrients, vitamins, and minerals to sustain us, so why mess around with all that food stuff? Aren’t food stuffs just the vehicles by which we consume said nutrients? Going straight to the source is efficient without all the fuss receiving farm-fresh vegetables and exceptionally-prepared catering delivery from local restaurants. MRB™ is the embodiment of the human body: packed with nutrients for optimal energy-levels in a earth-friendly container. Aren’t we all just striving to be this little power-packed bottle?
Or…is catered delivery the real solution?
According to the Soylent founders, meal replacement beverages like Soylent aim to replace the kind of food we eat to just make it through to the next meal or day. Living on a diet exclusively fueled by frozen quesadillas and ramen, they claim, doesn’t exactly equal sustenance. In fact, these kinds of foods zap your energy.
But if we’re truly looking for an improved human experience with food and life, maybe, just maybe, a quick and efficient meal replacement beverage isn’t actually the answer. Maybe giving yourself a brain break in the middle of the day for a catering delivery lunch from local restaurants and shared with coworkers is a better option…
Luckily for you, Chewse fosters deeper human connection through family-style meals from local restaurants. Chewse meals are more than the calories and energy needed to make it through the day. We strive for every Chewse meal to be an experience meant to bring people together and for your teams to connect with one another over real food, not MRBs™.